Feeling Like a Freak UN-Leashed
Filed Under (Journal) by Dr. Erotic on 03-06-2010
Shibaricon and IML were both this past weekend and it’s taken four full days to recover physically and mentally. The experiences I had at these events have truly transformed my life as well as who I am. The man that I was before is no more, and the man that I wanted so dearly to become has finally been born.
Over this past week I have been trying to find the right words to capture has happened, but it seems inevitable that words shall fail any attempt to capture the experience. I have been welcomed with open arms and warm embrace into the collective kink communities of both IML and Shibaricon. The combined power of these communities surges through me and I am eager to share it with the world and change it forever for the better.
As some of you will remember from my last post before the convention, I was feeling severely depleted of encouragement and support. I felt like everywhere I turned I encountered negative reactions to my chosen career path. At that time I did not yet know that rich and vibrant communities like those I encountered and now live within even existed. I felt alone, ashamed, beaten, tattered, and abused. I felt rage, hollowness, and remorse. I thought that by hosing the path of a sex educator, activist, therapist and historian that I had alienated myself from all human existence save a few sparse individuals…and I could not have been more wrong.
The people I have met, whom I now consider my big, fat, kinky family, have shown me love, support, patience, understanding, empathy, respect, admiration, confidence and pride in who they are. In turn that energy has shown me the true path I was seeking. I realize that I am not alone. I realize that there are people who want to hear what I have to say even now as I make my journey through the world of academia.
If you, my beloved readers, would indulge me for only a brief moment I wish to give a very special thanks to those at Shibaricon and IML who made this weekend so very powerful and special. You all taught me the meaning of pride and community. Without those of you who welcomed me this weekend I fear that I shall not have ever reached a point of confidence in my career until much later, and to great detriment to the community. The love which I have for you is now and forever shall be unending. You are my greatest pride, my greatest joy and my hope when all is dim.
Now I realize at this point I sound rather preachy or like some wacky, kooky, nutzoid, crazy, hippy, spiritual dude. You wouldn’t be wrong to think that, even I think that. Something deep inside has changed. The man I was before this experience has died. I am no longer that person. I am no longer scared, confused, overwhelmed, or shaken. I have grown strong, confident, and powerful. I welcome the burden of fighting for sexual freedom and sexual pride. I will take the burden as a human ox-head and pull the plow of progress. I have become an Atlas of sex positivity, willing and able to take the weight of the world on my shoulders.
You may wonder how this is all possible? I did myself for the past week sit introspectively and wonder the same. The answer is really very simple. Pride. Community. Passion. Grace. Freedom.
Values which have been implanted in me like some alien force, over riding the mind and dictating a mission greater than myself. I have learned the value of unleashing myself as I truly am to the world, and having pride in that kinky, poly, pan-sexual freak. I have learned that my pride powers the communities around me, and theirs fuels my passion. Passion for activism, education, and teaching. This passion provides me with grace to encounter the world which I wish to change, and instead of becoming angry when I see they are not yet able to comprehend the message, simply accept their human conditions and wait patiently until the message has been heard. Above all else, this acceptance that the world can not be change overnight has given me freedom. Freedom to be myself, with pride, and hold my head up high. Freedom to let my freak flag fly high in the sky for the entire world to see.
So, let the world try to beat me down. Let them try to stop me. Let any force come against me, for I am now empowered with the love and support of thousands of kinky geeks. I am ready to tackle injustices with my army of loving family members holding me up when I am too weak to stand. It is not just for a better world that I fight and hold my head up with pride. It is for my family that stand up for. I love them and they love me.
No, I am not alone. I am loved. I am powerful. I am free. I am me…just a kinky, proud, perverted freak unleashed.
